Never forget that life is dust that escapes through your fingertips.

Running through the woods, there was dust behind me. Following me. I'm not sure if I was scared of just playing with it, but I was deffinetly running away from it, trying to escape, trying to avoid it catching me.
It was fun. I had fun dodging the trees, looking at my back and seeing the shine behind me. It almost felt like it was looking back at me in a cheerful way. As if it was my friend since the day my life had begun.
I always loved to be in the woods. It felt like home, even though I had the most magnificient home I had ever wanted. It was me dream house, with everything I have always wanted to have and in the best way possible. But there was something about being away from it that made me feel great, feel almost alive.
I loved to, after running from a while, after being chased by the dust, sit on the ground and take a look to the sky. I loved to imagine myself on different situations. I just loved to imagine. I loved to be able to escape the universe for a moment and reach the stars, touch the void, feel it, embrace it, and then drop back to the place my body was standing still. And once I was back, there was the dust, waiting for me, but not with the same face, it was more maleficent, almost laughing at me, and then it would run away, dissapear, and would never see that dust again.
The say that losing what you like the most is tough, but not even knowing what and why have you lost something isn't either the best you can do on a Friday night. Going back home with the sad face, with the feeling of nothingness attached to your neck, that's one of the best friends of a dreamer.

Daughter

A few days ago I finally closed my "teen" stage of life. I'm already 20. I've left behind the devil and everything from now on is just me myself and I. I've left behind having to do things I've not wanted to do, I've left behind bad situations, I've left behind the worst situations, and now I have finally being able to show how much I have grown through these last years. What opened these events finally gave me the chance to lock the door back. And I've never felt so proud. I've taken too many things from granted, I've never given things the importance they actually have, and I've found myself in situations where I wouldn't have ever wanted to be in, but I've gotten stronger, and I have bested them all.

So here I am now, ready to face what's next, ready to find what's up to come. Ready to life. Ready to think, and ready to be proud. More than I am today, less than tomorrow. Remember: no matter how much interest you have on anything else, you are the one who matters the most. Don't ever let yourself forget that 

Back

Guess I am back. Back to chat. Back to the battle.

It has been a hot minute since I came over here last time, and I'd love to think that it is because I haven't been that emotional since then, but I believe it is because I haven't had time to take a look to my emotions and say "hi, how you doing?"

Today, is one of those nights. One of those nights where emotions mix up and create something so big minds are not able to comprehend. That's the moment when you are the most vulnerable ever. And then is when you start to take a look further your emotions, you start staring to reality. You look at reality in the eye, and realize that she's looking back at you. With a challenging face. 

Mom, I want to be a drag queen

If I told you I have found something that truly makes me happy and fills me up as a person? What if that thing made me feel complete as a person, made me a released soul, made me feel unstoppable? Would that make you happy? And what if that one thing wasn't fully accepted by society? What if you couldn't totally understand what it is about but the only thing you knew was that it makes me happy? Would you still support me? I know that't not the kind of thing that you would ever want for your son; I know it isn't prestigious, I know it isn't something that would make better than any other mother, I know it isn't the kind of thing that screams "perfect son", but it is the kind of thing that requires effort and I wouldn't mind it at all. I don't mean I wanna quit my studies, not at all, but I don't want you to treat it as a hobby. It allows me to express myself; it is the only way to fully let my creativity flow. It is a way of art that I really want to try, and I want to make sure that everythings ok with this. This doesn't mean I'm asking you to let me do it (you know I'm going to do whatever I want no matter what), but I don't want to be hiding from anyone, not anymore. There's no need. I wish, even though you might not understand it 100%, you will still let me be happy. Mom, I want to be a drag queen. It doesn't mean I want to be a woman, it doesnt mean that since today im going to start wearing woman clothes or anything like that. This means that I find it a really interesting experience which lets me feel free to do whatever I want. There are no rules about it, it's fun and involves hard work and motivation. I have made a decision after a loooooong time of thinking. It has been a "weird" process where I have gotten to change my mind about drag (which I though that it was just men pretending to be women and trying to be women), discover that it envolves different types of art and skill and even fashion. I've finally tried it a couple of times and, surprisingly, there wasn't a "bad" feedback from people. Young people that might not be "that brilliant or intelligent" get the idea of fun and freedom, and I feel pretty comfortable everything about it. I have discovered that, together with writing, this makes me feel happy and that I actually contribute to the world, not just by being a student and do what I am supposed to be doing at my age, which I repeat, I like my studies and have nothing to do with is, I just want you to kinda get the idea that it isn't like playing video games or some other type of hobbie, that this is something serious that it is kind of a part of me. I have decided to write this down because I think that, in this conversation, I just wouldn't be able to fully express myself correctly and I'm not sure if I would be able to front it yet, but I wanted to let you know it before I actually started doing anything serious, which I want to start doing now. You might probably have expeted it or something like that, or just have found everything that I have related to it hidden somewhere home. Again, I hope you kind of get the idea of this and support me (not support me but just let me do my thing while I know there's nothing wrong between you and this) and if theres everything you didn't understand, just let me know. I won't be angry at all if you don't get it, I have been 18 years thinking that it was something that it actually was not and look at me know, something that I "didn't like" turns out to be thing that allows me to feel free. 

Thanks for everything you both have done for me. I love you both.

Hate is quite a strong word.

I made the decision to never regret anything. Things don't happen with a purpose, and it is your business to give them the meaning they deserve.
Everyone wants to contribute to the world, one way or another, and it wouldn't be fair from us to dismiss their attemps to be part of the world. That's why I feel that we should give every action a chance and truly think about it. Otherwise, it will just pursue us until the last of our days.